Sunday, July 8, 2018

Christians have new, logical spokesperson, say Christians everywhere.

You could call it infiltrating the enemy, I suppose, but I call it compromise. Some things have happened in my life recently that I rather choose to prescribe to God than coincidence. That's really all it comes to anyway, right? Whether or not shit in your life (and I have sworn off cussing, btw, except for the word, "shit," which I refuse to give up...and it has nothing to do with religion, so get that out of your heads now.) is good or bad, right or wrong, evil or clown-schtooping evil is irrelevant. What you (we) need to concern yourself with is community. For whatever reason, most of the world's population still subscribes to a religion. I say it is our approach to religion in general, rather than a belief in it, that is the true problem.

What I have found in my bout with at first atheism and then agnosticism is, well, nothing. There is no culture, no joy, and the only community I found was populated by people who were so angry at Christians and religion in general that they were completely incapable of rational thought. As much as they go on about evidence, they're in short supply of it individually, as people. They are quick to lampoon literally anything that doesn't have a scientific modifier, and any theory posited that doesn't fit squarely and snugly into their view of atheism is summarily and soundly trumped and ridiculed . . . much like . . . religious people? In my atheistic experience, I would have to say that I dealt with people who were easily as intolerant of any views counter to their own as any Christians with whom I've dealt. Atheism is the antithesis of community, from what I can see.

I used to say to myself often that I would throw my lot in with the Christians if they would simply admit that the Bible was flawed. Then suddenly here I have my best friend, a Christian, saying just that. The Old Testament is fucked up. His words. But he will also proudly tell you he's a Christian.
So I asked m y friend one day, (a civil engineer and no dummy) why should I align myself with these hypocrites? He says...."you shouldn't. But you should align yourself with people who will lift you up. Always." But where was I to find that? I couldn't readily drop everything I knew to be right and good - because I've always wanted to be right and good in my actions - then hand it all over to this invisible being. I mean, I totally support the fact that Christianity will survive me. Question is, has Christianity earned its ability to survive. I, Pam, will compel <crush> you into submission. "No, Archer, no, wait - Archer, stop, nooo----"

"Goddammit." Cyril says grumpily.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Experts say religious texts are not wholly asinine, say experts

All of these ancient religious texts so many of us subscribe to today were written by men (and some women) as wisdom to be carried down through the ages. They didn't have the "noise" that the vast majority of us have grown up with today, in this age. There was no television, no Internet, no video games nor movies and movie stars. No news, no publicized violence, and very little distraction. It isn't the authors' faults for having their words mistranslated, misused and misunderstood. 


There is wisdom in the Bible, if you know how to read it. For instance, the "sin" of sex outside of marriage was a fundamentally pragmatic decision. Sex caused pregnancy and disease back then, as often as not. And women had at least a 30% chance of dying during childbirth. A pregnancy without an income to support the child was seen as a terrible burden. Disease was rampant, as there were no treatments or cures. Sex itself was not the sin. Irresponsible sex, even then, was viewed as terribly impractical. And therefore, from a philosophical perspective, immoral, i.e., sin.



Some people need to believe these words were directly from God. I tend to think they were, if not in the way that most people do. But those words simplify things for them because, let's face it, most people are simple. It was a way to govern the ignorant. The problem we face today is that even though most of us can read, we still do not truly comprehend what we read. For most of us, reading and writing are simply forms of communication. For others, they are the ultimate transference of thought and mind. Reading and understanding are not even remotely the same animal.


One can imply much in a sentence that is seemingly innocuous and banal. But to a scrupulous reader, there is much more information that goes unsaid, literally. One has to have the capacity to gather that implied information without prompting or explanation. This is very often - if not always - the case with religious texts.


That said, religious leaders - who only questionably understand the texts from which they teach - have no business dictating policy. That isn't to say that science and faith cannot collude and comingle. Quite the opposite. I can verifiably say that I have seen this work - faith coexisting with reason. Scientists, however, seem unable to admit they cannot yet understand a thing, despite their insistence otherwise; and religionists (I coined that term and now use it liberally) seem to think that anything that is perceived as against faith is somehow unholy. The very basis for both their faiths . . . is preposterous. Both of these institutions should be working toward meeting in the middle, yet they both seem determined to destroy one another. What neither of them seem to understand is that knowledge nor faith are going anywhere, anytime soon. If ever. 

We are creatures of both reason and non-reason. We are intellectual and emotional beings, and I would daresay equally so. And to try and separate the two is madness. Faith is emotion-based. Intellect is mind-based. Keeping that in mind, there was a time not too long ago that if you told someone in the U.S. they could communicate with someone in China and have that communication translated instantaneously, without the aid of another human being, they would have called you a fool. And rightly so. If you had said 50 years ago that most of us would possess devices that would make the "communicators" on Star Trek look simple by comparison, you would likely think they were daydreaming, at the very least. And now we're on a very clear path to real androids (Sorry, Data), bio-mechanics, and - don't laugh - faster than light (FTL) travel. Whether or not you think it is possible, it is being actively studied, with big bucks backing it. And human beings have a tendency to do precisely what they set out to do. Say I'm wrong. I dare ya.   ðŸ˜‰



  

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Baby hands throw the best tantrums, say Washington insiders

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2017/10/10/president-trumps-temper-tantrums-are-coming-at-an-accelerating-pace/?utm_term=.73bea1d4c27f

The article is a few months old, sure, but it is no less true today than it was when it was written. If anything, it has been further substantiated on a nearly daily basis. As the Facebook page, "The Other 98%," hilariously named him, "President Fucktweet" has put on public display his irrational behavior, his thin-skinned rebuttals, his inability to take criticism, and his utter lack of regard for the truth. And it all comes off as rather . . . toddler-ish.


Saturday, October 21, 2017

I don't believe God listens to *every* prayer. . .but He listens to mine!

We cling to the God Concept because it is very real to us. Even to a nonbeliever such as I. I don't have any problem admitting that I want there to be a god. I want there to be this Benevolent Being watching over us, daily, making us better, delivering a daily hand in all our affairs. Truth is though, I don't believe in such a being. I believe there is a force out there who may listen in your darkest hour, but that same force gave us the substance, the fortitude, to stand firm against whatever comes our way. We have the intellectual capacity, the creativity, the will to stand in the way of anything that threatens us.This Being expects us to use that which was given to us to prove ourselves. And yes, he/she/It may listen sometimes, but I don't think it is infinitely listening to all of our whining.

Update 4/15/2018:

All of the aforementioned said, I have recently come across some knowledge, and have had some experiences, which may contradict that stuff-n-stuff I said several months ago (more accurately put, six months, but time is a rather fluid concept for me, as it happens to interfere - often - with the things I enjoy doing . . . more on that later). Truth is, I went to jail, and some things happened subsequently which I cannot explain, not fully on an intellectual level at least. And before you say or think that jail is just a place where the truly desolate seek desperately for any outlet, any saving grace they can in order to deal with their predicaments . . . it is.


No question there. But that is not the case for me, because I was only there a month. 27 days to be precise.

I have very likely not "rended" anyone's mind since the inception of this blog.


I was hoping to, certainly, but profundity is always accompanied by something learned - usually a powerful lesson - and learning is something of which I have been in short supply as of late. But somehow, solitude (i.e., jail) seems to be a stark progenitor of new ideas. And as my life has spiraled utterly out of control since my recent divorce in March, 2017, being open to new ideas, philosophies, and esoteric concepts did not any longer seem so alien to my fragile psyche.

Simply put, I got "saved" in jail. I put the word in quotations only because I do not yet understand precisely what that means.


I opened myself to God, to the idea of the Christian God, and felt a presence. Then I tried prayer - meaningful, faithful prayer - with every expectation that it would come to fruition. And it did. So far, all of them. For instance, I was waiting for a ride from a friend one day and it was supposed to storm (I have a car, just not one where I was) a full two hours prior to my friend's arrival; tornadoes, 40 - 50 mph winds, lightning, thunder, the whole, big, bad enchilada. 90% chance, and there I am, sitting outside with the wind bending trees nearly double, reading a book. I got annoyed, so I prayed for it to die down - willed it to, even, arrowing my thoughts directly at the skies with a feeling in my chest much like sadness, only I wasn't sad - and as soon as I was done, the wind died down dramatically. Chance, right? So thought I.

Then the wind picked up again. So I prayed again just as before . . . and the wind died down again. I turned my attention back to my book - Dan Brown's Lost Symbol, in case you're wondering - and I heard thunder. Then lightning and more thunder. I began to doubt again. The wind picked up yet again, and so I prayed that the storm would hold off until 2:45, as my friend was supposed to arrive at 2:30. The rain and wind - thunder and lightning as well - held off for another hour and a half until my friend arrived, then for the next 20 minutes it took for us to reach my house. It took me a few minutes to unload my things, speak to my sister and make it back to my bedroom before I looked at my watch. It was exactly 2:45, and just then the bottom dropped out.

I am a pretty creative guy. I write both prose and poetry, I write music, songs, and I'm also not sucky with some pencils and a sketchbook.
Not perfect, but not terrible either, no?
Suffice to say, if I were going to make up some fantastic story, it would be about something a whole lot more interesting than a storm. But wait . . . there's more!

Before I continue, let me say that I have reread my old arguments against religion and religious tenets, and I have to say . . . they still hold water. Lots of it. Which is why I think, based on empirical evidence, that my newfound belief is a mixture of both science and faith (re: noetic science). I don't think I have ever believed that Man's belief in mysticism (religion, philosophy, esoteric knowledge) - literally as old as recorded history and more researched, studied and dissected than any other concept - was founded on fantasy and fever dreams. I knew there was a basis in fact. I knew that miracles were simply sciences that we did not yet understand. That is also why I know that things we cannot explain today are sciences we cannot yet understand. The word, "science," simply means 'to know'.

Singing to a plant has been scientifically proven to improve its growth rate and health, as does sending positive thoughts at it consistently (re, again: noetic science). There are certain particles that can only be seen if we expect to see them. Otherwise, they do not exist. That is, quite literally, mind over matter on an atomic level. And sure, I may be creative, but I'm no physicist; as in, there's no way I could make that stuff up, and it's all verifiable.

I discovered noetic science about a decade ago. I tried reading about it, but honestly, the concepts were way over my head. I only understood the basic, fundamental ins and outs, and even those with only the most rudimentary comprehension. Rationalists (of which I consider myself a member, so to speak) call it "bullshit science," only I have seen every bit as much intolerance, vitriol and condemnation from atheists as I have from any religious group. True story. So no, I did not come across noetic science in Lost Symbol, but I was delighted to see it crop up again, because it interests me even more today, especially regarding some of the experiences I have had lately. There is also much more available information today than when I first came across it.     

The Pit Bull

So, a couple weeks prior to the storm incident, I went on a sabbatical of sorts shortly after I got out of jail. The place where I was staying was out in the country where the people just sort of let their dogs run wild. Generally, I don't think it's much of an issue, but in this case, there happened to be a couple of really strong dogs running loose around the area. One was a very large bull mastiff, and the other was a pit bull terrier around 6 - 8 months old (is my guess, and although I'm no expert, I have owned a pit bull in the past and figure my guess is fairly accurate).

There were some men working on a house near where I was staying, about a hundred yards away, and the mastiff begins barking at the house. So the foreman (we found out later) sent one of his helpers out to run the mastiff off, and as he does so, the pit bull runs up beside the mastiff and begins barking at the young man too. He panics, drops the hammer that was in his hand, and begins to run. Before he can get far, both of them are on him, biting him. His yells bring out the rest of the crew - about five men total - and as this was happening, I hopped into the back of the truck where I was and three more of us were speeding down the road to help him. Before we even got halfway there, the incident was over. The young man was lying on his back wincing in pain and the dogs had run off at the sight of the truck and the men coming toward them.

The very next day, the little, tan pit bull returns. We found out a little later that another dog, Ginger, who hung out around the house we were staying in, was in heat. Ginger was (I think) a setter/shiba mix and she was of a size with Biscuit, the pit bull - so I named him soon after because of his coloring.
very close approximation to "Biscuit"
Initially, I ran him off with a big stick . . . until Ginger got scared and ran under a flatbed trailer, as did Biscuit, who quickly began wagging his tail at me. He was plainly frightened, but it was obvious he was also quite friendly. It didn't take much persuasion to get him to come out (after, of course, I checked on Ginger), and as it turned out, he was just a sweet little guy with no guile in him whatsoever. I can only assume he was merely copying the older and larger mastiff when he attacked that young man, because everyone else at the house got to know and like the dog, and there were no more incidents at all.

Anyhow, the proprietor of the house where I was staying did his diligence and called the sheriff's office, who promptly responded and asked him to take photos if he saw the dog back on the property. I ran into Biscuit's owner a few days later who told me that she had found a new home for him and to contact her if I saw him again. I was unable to do so before the sheriff's deputy returned, showing me photos the proprietor had sent him. This dismayed me terribly as I had grown attached to Biscuit, and he in turn had shown me nothing but love and sweetness and playfulness for the last several days. I didn't want to see him wind up in the pound, so I decided to pray for him at prayer group that night. It was an unusual request, and I admitted as much, but the leader of the group reluctantly said a prayer for the little guy. On my part, I prayed just as I had for the storm (remember, this was prior to the storm, and one of the instances in which I can no longer deny the power of human thought . . . or prayer, if you will), with a sad feeling in my chest. Again, I wasn't sad, only concerned, because I knew Biscuit's fate if he was picked up by Animal Control, and it seemed inevitable that he would be.

The very next morning, the deputy came by again, showed me the photos of Biscuit, and asked if I'd seen him. I answered honestly that I had not. A few hours after the deputy left, I saw Ginger. No Biscuit. Now would be the point in the story where I should tell you folks who don't have a lot of experience with dogs that if there is a female dog in heat, literally every male dog who is able within the vicinity of a mile radius will be hovering nearby. Also keep in mind that Biscuit had become quite happy out our little ranch, and had made some good friends besides Ginger. He was getting treats - of both the edible and sexual variety (several people had seen the two dogs coupling) - and had every reason to stick around. Long story just a tad longer, it turns out his owner was able to catch him and get him to his new owner before the deputy returned again. Was it prayer? I think so. Can I prove it? Meh . . . probably not. But these two instances, and half a dozen others just in the last month or six weeks have moved my belief needle way over to the other side of things.             

Friday, October 6, 2017

Just so you understand . . . I do know what I'm doing, says inside source



So I thought I might share a couple of demo reels I produced at WLBT, a news station in Jackson, MS. Hope I'm not breaking any rules by putting this out there. But I wanted you, my readers, to know that the majority of the stuff those anchors read off the teleprompter, we, the producers, write, rewrite, and edit. And we even design all the graphics (i.e., names and occupations, dates, etc.)

In time I will also share some of my real news articles; not nearly so entertaining as the articles and insights you'll find here, but just to show that I am indeed the real deal. I use the fake headlines for humor, yes, but also because of my background in journalism - as an homage, if you will.


Monday, August 7, 2017

Agnostics are easily the smartest and most compassionate people in the world, experts say.

You could call it infiltrating the enemy, I suppose, but I call it compromise. Some things have happened in my life recently that I rather choose to prescribe to God than coincidence. That's really all it comes  down to anyway, right? Whether or not shit in your life (And I have sworn off cussing [not 'cursing, which is completely different] btw, except for the word, "shit," which I refuse to give up...and it has nothing to do with religion, so get that out of your heads now.) is good or bad, right or wrong, evil or clown-schtoopingly evil is irrelevant. What you (we) need to concern yourself with is community. For whatever reason, most of the world's population still subscribes to a religion. I say it is our approach to religion in general, rather than a belief in it, that is the true problem.

What I have found in my bout with at first atheism and then agnosticism is, well, nothing. There is no culture, no joy, and the only community I found was populated by people who were so angry at Christians and religion in general that they were completely incapable of rational thought. As much as they go on about evidence, they're in short supply of it individually, as people. They are quick to lampoon literally anything that doesn't have a scientific modifier, and any theory posited that doesn't fit squarely and snugly into their view of atheism is summarily and soundly trumped and ridiculed . . . much like . . . religious people? In my atheistic experience, I would have to say that I dealt with people who were easily as intolerant of any views counter to their own as any Christians with whom I've dealt. Atheism is the antithesis of community, from what I can see.

I used to say to myself often that I would throw my lot in with the Christians if they would simply admit that the Bible was flawed. Then suddenly here I have my best friend, a Christian, saying just that. The Old Testament is fucked up. His words. But he will also proudly tell you he's a Christian.
So I asked my friend one day, (a civil engineer and no dummy) why should I align myself with these hypocrites? He says...."you shouldn't. But you should align yourself with people who will lift you up. Always." But where was I to find that? I couldn't readily drop everything I knew to be right and good - because I've always wanted to be right and good in my actions - then hand it all over to this invisible being. I mean, I totally support the fact that Christianity will survive me. Question is, has Christianity earned its ability to survive?

[more later]

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Why Our Nation is BROKE(n)

Read the entire essay if you desire to comment.

I think they left out the part about multi-billion dollar corporations unwilling to pay a living wage. 




General Electric made $26 billion in profits in 2010 and paid $0.00 in taxes, we have the largest military industrial complex in the world with a $250 billion budget, and people wonder why our government is broke. Who are we fighting?  The terrorists?  Does anyone remember a time before 9/11, when terrorists were underfunded, radical, militant fringe groups who blew stuff up from time to time?  Yeah, well, that's what they're still doing, what they still are, and that's all they will ever be.  Does anyone remember a time when it was believed that everyone paid taxes.  What was the adage?  "Nothing is certain but death and taxes," unless you're a multi-national corporation (a personhood, if you will), claiming absurd deductions for which they are busily lobbying Congress for even more as I write these very words.


These terrorists had to use a plane as a missile on 9/11 because they lacked the funding and the expertise to do anything more than that.  It was tragic indeed, but 3,000 dead isn't even a drop in the bucket when you consider that the Iraqi people - most of them civilians - have suffered more than a million casualties since the Iraq War's inception. I am not proposing that there should not have been terrible consequences for the attack on September 11th, 2001. But in the grand scheme, the terrorists never were a real military threat to begin with, no more than the backwards, flyspeck nations who harbored them were.  Afghanistan has about as much of a chance at defeating "the Great Satan" as I do defeating Anderson Silva in an MMA match, i.e., none. The real threat is the corporate-tit-sucking Congress we continue to reelect into office, over and over again, because we are too lazy to demand a better choice. We are content to choose between "the lesser of two evils" as if that were a sufficient basis for electing who will decide the future of our country.


In other words, we no longer care enough.  We are complacent, fat and lazy.  We are content to let these fools and degenerates do our thinking for us, and actively choose to believe the lies and propaganda perpetrated and perpetuated by the news media each and every day. Did you know that elected office is one of the very few government jobs for which a requisite degree or certification is not required. Let me say that again: The most powerful people in this country are not even required to be legitimately, or even adequately, qualified for their positions. And we CHOOSE this!  We know they are lying to us - we have all been told, and even when faced with irrefutable proof (Dubya lying about WMD's, Obama lying about repealing the USA PATRIOT Act, Trump lying about . . . well, everything), we CHOSE to ignore the dire implications, and now we live in a country where it is perfectly acceptable for our government agents to raid anyone's home they choose, to write their own warrants, and search and seize property without your consent.  Because it is inconvenient.

Complacent, we are, and cowardly.  How can we stand against a government - a Congress that would legislate itself salary raises for the "fantastic" job they are doing and turn a blind eye when Dubya called for war on a country that had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11 - when all we really care about is still getting to go home and play World of Warcraft at night?  Actually doing something would interfere greatly with Mad Men and Game of Thrones, and we might have to give up the MMO night playing Call of Duty with our buddies.  Damn....social consciousness is just too damned inconvenient.  How 'bout them Bulldogs?

"What do you think you're doing with my sippy cup, bitch?"
And when we do muster up enough give-a-damn to care, it is dictated by right- or left-wing radio and/or television personalities whose sole job is to shape public opinion and sow discontent. They had one liberal, Alan Colmes (R.I.P.). That's all. But perhaps that is why Fox still thinks it can tell us it is fair and balanced.  But how?  Because they cater to the right wing and most other major media outlets cater to the left?  That doesn't make them fair or balanced. Yet we continue to allow this major news outlet this blatant and audacious lie. Conservatives should be particularly offended. Their primary flag bearer flaunts its contempt of the truth behind a mantra that would be noble if it weren't so patently false.

But worse are the conservative heroes and pundits, each and every one of whom is a firebrand dedicated to inciting fear, paranoia and dread.  Rush, Hannity, Ingraham, O'Reilly,

and the really ignorant ones like Brian Kilmeade and Neal Boortz - these people are poison. These nimrods stood by and defended Bush Jr.'s every mind-numbingly ignorant decision. They rationalized his failings, blamed liberals (somehow) when his unerringly bad decisions ended up . . . badly. And they have seamlessly transferred that same blind, irrational loyalty to the Trump administration, all the while producing wider audiences and higher ratings. How, you might ask? Because media may not control how you think, but they very decidedly control what you think about.  And if these buffoons - pundits - are good at anything, it is spinning the truth.  Let me clarify by saying that I am not simply ostracizing conservative pundits here.  I am fully aware that leftists are at it just as hard, only they have a slightly more intelligent audience with which to deal, and it's a bit more of a challenge, although not by much.  And I was exposed to those conservative guys more than most. As a journalist in the South, I was inundated with republican ideals. The vast majority of politicians I have interviewed have been republican conservatives. And conservatives are all you hear on talk radio. So unless your parents like NPR, if you're a child growing up in the South, you're not going to be presented with too many alternative or opposing views to conservatism - much the same as it is with religion.

All the mainstream media outlets these days are controlled by corporate/political (because there is no distinction anymore) entities.  But at least NBC doesn't feel the need to argue before each commercial break that they are "the most trusted news source" because they are unbiased.  They're not.  They're just cleverer about it, and they don't feel the insecurity of standing behind a motto that is so ludicrously, blatantly and obviously horseshit. Anyone ever listened to the "J.T. Show?"  This ignorant fool has a political talk show, such as it is, every day on SuperTalk Mississippi, 97.3, for those of you who aren't familiar with him.  He is, to reuse a word from the above paragraph, *very* decidedly one of the most ignorant and brainwashed individuals I have ever had the displeasure of hearing on the radio. His diatribes (such as they are considering his limited vocabulary, his atrocious grammar and diction, and his tenuous grasp on the political climate in general) are mindless rants about how liberals are ruining the country <yawn> that have no basis in reason or fact. He was doing Trump before Trump was doing Trump. How he has managed to stay on the air, in the slot he was given, as long as he has, is a complete mystery to me. This fool pronounces 'nuclear' like Dubya pronounced it: "Nuke-U-lar."  Whether he is just deliberately ignorant or he just wants to be like his hero (Trump, Reagan or Bush, take your pick) is unclear.  The fact is, he is a radio personality, to the extent that he has a show - not that he is in fact a "personality" of any note - and he has the ear of thousands of people every day. And he is not only paid to perpetuate (there goes that word again) his ignorance, but the good people of Mississippi encourage it.

So why are we broke again?  Because our government pays for entitlement programs it cannot afford or because G.E., along with dozens of other one percenters, pay zero dollars in taxes?  "But they will ship our jobs overseas!" some might say.  And the Fed should fine the holy hell out of them if they do.  That's what China does.  They're doing pretty okay these days.  Our government is broke because it lacks the will to tax corporate "personhoods."  Because even Facebook thinks that word is wrong, if the red, squiggly line underneath it indicates anything.  Our government is broke because its money is tied up in special interests our illustrious Congress has decided are more important than our national welfare.  Our government is broke because they no longer give two shits about the American people, but spend 80% of their time in office fundraising for their next campaign.  Our government is broke because it depends on, and is beholden to, an independent Central Bank that is NOT beholden to the government which houses, shelters and defends it.  And our government is broke because its citizens are too lazy and too frightened to do - or not do, in certain cases - the things necessary to effect a change.

It used to be that only educated people were encouraged - or even capable - of practicing the art of journalism.  Only now, with mediocrity the only height to which most aspire these days, journalism has become something much less than what it once was.  People crave - thanks to the conditioning served up by the advertising media - nothing so much as what will entertain them, and care very little about factual accuracy or unbiased relaying of those facts.

And again, if you want to respond to this, please read the whole damned thing. I'll know if you did simply based on your comments. This took me a long time to write, and I am not going to repeat something that was already covered in this essay. I welcome intelligent conversation and debate, but I don't have the time or the inclination to respond to dick-ish repostes and rebuttals. Be civil, in other words, or don't say anything at all.

And guns.  Leave my damn guns out of this conversation.  I'll delete it in a heartbeat if one single mention of fun - I mean....gun control comes up.  It's off-topic and just dumb.  And a subject for another essay....